Let’s start our conversation about how to set boundaries and declare dominion in the most logical place: with the dream I had the other night about owning a living, breathing miniature elephant.
(We’re going somewhere with this, I promise.)
I’d had the tiny elephant for a few days, and I’d thought that I was taking pretty good care of it. But then I placed a container of water down on the floor where the elephant lived, and the little guy went crazy.
Within seconds it was splashing and guzzling water, equal parts desperate with thirst and wild with joy.
That was when it dawned on me that while I had provided food, I had never given the elephant water. I just hadn’t realized it was necessary.
Aghast, I kept repeating, “I didn’t know.”
When I woke up, I realized that the elephant represented me and the water stood for sustenance, for the ability to take care of my own needs.
For so long, a small, vulnerable part of me had been so thirsty, and I hadn’t known enough to give it water.
Set Boundaries and Declare Dominion with Anna Kunnecke
Many of us long to set boundaries and declare dominion over our lives, but we don’t know how.
Fortunately, we are welcoming a wise teacher / elephant whisperer to the blog today. In this edition of our You Need to Read Video Series, writer and life coach Anna Kunnecke shows us a path forward to life-giving essentials.
Anna is a Martha Beck Certified Master life coach, speaker, and blogger at Declare Dominion. Anna is a self-proclaimed ex-Christian and a heathen mystic and she helps women to declare dominion over their gorgeous lives.
She’s also the author of Practical Magic for Secret Mystics, and we’re giving away a digital copy to one lucky reader! (There’s even a chapter called “Elephant Wisdom”. No kidding.)
Anna and I talked about …
- What it means to declare dominion over your gorgeous life
- A few common phrases to banish from your vocabulary (and why they are so powerful)
- Why setting boundaries is such a struggle for women, and why we need to be selective about how we give
- The tribal beliefs that prevent us from following our own guidance
- Daily tools that help Anna with the process of discerning where to expend her own energy
- What a secret mystic is, and why it’s so important to know if you are one
- How to show up in relationships in a way that is kind to others while also protecting your own energy
- The inside scoop on Anna’s memoir (and a sneak peek into my own book draft as well)!
Quotable Quotes from Anna’s Interview, Set Boundaries and Declare Dominion
“We’re taught, Be sweet, be nice, be kind, be a hard worker, get all the gold stars …. But there’s this really important piece missing – at least in my upbringing – which is that my life is my dominion. It is my realm. And it is my job, and my responsibility, to make with it what I will.”
“I think we get to choose whether we’re going to make our lives gorgeous or not. Whether you live in a big, traditionally gorgeous mansion or you live in a teeny tiny little studio, we still have choices. You can still choose to put flowers in that tiny studio, or you can choose to dress beautifully even if your budget is limited.”
“I was living in this constant state of victimhood … I lived in a land of shoulds, have to’s, wish I had, and can’ts … Those words made me feel really trapped and powerless. When I shifted my language, I shifted my story …. It was a radical reckoning with the fact that we all have an immense spectrum of choices in front of us all of the time.”
“There are so many messages that come at us from the time we’re very young that tell us that we don’t know what’s really going on. Our judgments are incorrect. What feels true or right to us isn’t actually accurate …. It’s these hundreds and hundreds of subtle messages that we get.
‘What, you don’t like pizza? Oh no, honey, you love pizza!’ There’s no harm meant, most of the time …. [but] we are taught to override our sense of what is true and good for us. You have this inner guidance system, but you get taught to override it. And when you override it enough, you lose access to it.”
“It can feel really scandalous and terrible and horrifying when we start to say no. Most of us have been taught our whole lives that that’s not okay. It’s not safe. It’s not the right way for us to be in the world. When we start to say no, it can bring up all this primal terror.”
“When we start to say no, it can feel really terrifying, but we get all those pieces of us back. And then we get to choose what we’re going to do with all that energy. We have all this extra juice, and we can pour it into the things that do truly matter.”
Want to Set Boundaries and Declare Dominion over your life?
Win a free copy of Anna’s latest ebook, Practical Magic for Secret Mystics (a $299 value)!
“Hey dearheart, let me ask you a question– Can one angry person ruin your whole day? If so, I want you to know that there is a way to stay calm and powerful, even when the people around you are losing their shit…even if you’re super-sensitive to them.”
Here’s how to enter:
Step 1: Subscribe to A Wish Come Clear’s email list. If you’re already subscribed, move on to step 2!
Step 2: Leave a comment on this post. Social media shares are always appreciated, but not required. I’ll select a winner randomly on Tuesday, July 25th at noon Central Time. Good luck to all!
Liked this post? Receive your free Perfectionist Recovery Toolkit, featuring Getting Real & Letting Go: A Collection of Quotes for Recovering Perfectionists, the 5 Day Good Girl’s Guide to Getting Real Email Challenge, & more!
You’ll also get posts via email & Your Weekend Wish, a fun weekly missive for subscribers only.
Solemn No Spam Vow: I promise never to share your email with anyone else.