After 10 years, we’re done (with martyrdom)

A Wish Come Clear is 10 years old this week. I published the first post on January 16, 2011. To quote Captain Awkward – a fellow 10 year blogging veteran – this makes the blog “1 bajillion years old in blog years.” In hindsight, it’s easy to see that starting the blog was a good choice: It’s now a thriving community with thousands of kindred spirits gathered here. You, dear ones, are the reason that I wrote (and got a book deal for) my forthcoming book, You Don’t Owe Anyone. Yet there were plenty of reasons why it was crazy ...
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The Most Likely Way You’ll Take Back Your Time

Having a baby has changed the way I make choices. Time with Baby Girl McGraw is such a big YES for me that it puts every other decision into sharper focus. “Do I want to take on this project?” turns into, “Do I want to trade an hour with our long-awaited little one? Do I want to source childcare for this time? Is it worth it to me?” I’m hooked on the fierce clarity. But the challenge, of course, is to translate thought into action – to LIVE from that place of integrity. Is this something you struggle with, dear ...
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Why Do I Feel Bad When I Spend Money On Myself?

I used to have so much trouble spending money “just for me.” In college, I worked three jobs, volunteered, and tithed hundreds of dollars to my church … and I couldn’t pull the trigger on a $15 gift for myself. Before I graduated from Vassar, I wanted to buy a coffee mug from my favorite cafe … but I couldn’t do it. Spending money on that “selfish” purchase was too anxiety-producing. Why do I feel bad when I spend money on myself? I wondered.  …
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Don’t Give Up in the Eleventh Hour

“How do I not give up in the eleventh hour?” This is a heartfelt listener question, and I take it seriously. Here’s my short answer (which connects to the theme of our featured interview this week): Don’t be that mean to yourself. …
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The Price We Pay for Delaying Decisions

What do you do when you’re not sure about a decision? If you’re like me, you debate it endlessly in your own mind. You go over the pros and cons. You try very hard to figure out what the best choice might be. But all of this striving is exhausting. And often, we expend so much effort trying to make the “perfect” decision that we don’t make a choice at all.  …
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Is It Okay to Want More?

“I am in ambivalence (or in quantum congruence?): I both think I am very happy and satisfied with my life as it is; and at the same time I think that I must serve a better purpose. Which one is true?” I love this listener question from The Clarity Course Series, because goodness knows I’ve struggled with it! Back in 2012, I constantly asked myself, “How can I want to leave my job at L’Arche when I love my friends there so much?” For months, I couldn’t come up with a good answer. …
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Making Time to Go After Goals

“How can I have the confidence to make the time to go after my goals when my brain tells me they are frivolous?” “How can I be more efficient with my use of time … and fit exercise into an already packed schedule? [Housework, part-time employment, half-time Ph.D. studies, dependent elderly father 90 minutes away refusing to consider moving into care.]” Boy oh boy, could I relate to these listener questions from The Clarity Course Series. Though our circumstances are different, I know what it’s like to work big goals into an already-full life. …
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I Feel Bad About Myself, How Do You Get Confidence?

“Can you help me to improve my bad feeling about myself which I’ve had all through my working life (about 20 years..)?” “What are some strategies to stay out of your own head and ignore/stop negative self talk?” “How do I increase my confidence in myself? How can I have more confidence in me?” These are all listener questions from The Clarity Course survey. Most of us are very familiar with that “bad feeling” about ourselves. We’d love to feel more confident, clear, and strong … but how can we, when there are scary shadows of doubt and fear lurking ...
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Do More of What Feels Like Magic

There’s nothing kids love quite like feeling “grown up.” Give them some responsibility, and they’re hooked. At least, that’s how I felt when I worked in my dad’s home office. My dad has his own business, and when he had invoices to mail, he let me help him prepare the envelopes. This was thrilling to me. As a small child, I loved pressing the return-address stamp onto the black ink pad. I loved the stamp’s disappearing act, the swivel that made the raised letters come and go. One moment, there were no words in the upper left hand corner of ...
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Make Decisions, Save Your Life

Even though I was scared, my coach challenged me to do it, so I did. What’s that, you say? I recorded a new, vulnerable video for you. It’s based on questions I received via The Clarity Course survey … “I want to trust my decisions, but I always see both sides (take the opportunity or don’t take). Is there a process that I can go through that will make decision making easier?” “Best advice for someone who is struggling with the fear of uncertainty in making decisions?” …
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