Embarrassing Secrets of a Recovering Perfectionist
During my first month as a freshman at Vassar College, one of my hallmates caught me folding my dirty laundry. Yes, you read that right – I folded my dirty laundry before placing it in the collapsible navy-blue mesh hamper at the foot of my bed. It was a nervous habit that gave me a sense of control in an unfamiliar place. Of course I didn’t want anyone to know about my odd practice, so I flushed with embarrassment when my hallmate said, “Caroline, did you seriously just fold those pajamas before putting them into your hamper?” My hallmate’s tone...
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From Ugly Cry To Deeper Why (Vulnerable Video)
Ever have one of those days when you feel like a total failure at life? Ever get so down and discouraged that you’re tempted to give up on your goals and dreams? Me too. But fortunately, that’s not the end of the story. …
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Do You Risk Reaching Out?
Have you ever received an invitation that made your heart say YES before your mind could even catch up? Ever had such a strong gut feeling that you needed to be at this exact place, doing this exact thing? That’s how I felt when I was asked to give the keynote speech at this year’s Heart of L’Arche Fundraising Breakfast in Arlington, Virginia on April 25, 2018. Titled, “Risk Reaching Out,” this talk was part of a program that helped raise over $135,000 to support the L’Arche Greater Washington DC community. L’Arche is a worldwide nonprofit that creates homes where...
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What’s Beneath the Busy? I Dare You to Ask.
Truth-time, dear friends: we are really, really good at fooling ourselves. We say that we’re so busy, but what we really mean is that we’re scared to look at what’s beneath the busy. Our frantic activity functions like a drug; it gives us a high and helps us avoid feelings we’re afraid to face. If that’s you, there’s no judgment here. We’re all on this journey together; none of us have it all figured out. …
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For You, When You’re Facing Internal Conflict
Have you ever felt yourself deadlocked in internal conflict, bouncing back and forth between the comfort of staying put and the lure of letting go? Ever struggled to choose because part of you wanted something new, while another part of you needed to keep everything the same? I have. Once upon a time, I worked as a nonprofit program director in DC. It was a stable, undeniably meaningful job, one that connected me to a caring community and supported my deepest values. Those things were true, but there were other truths, too. There were the tears that prickled behind my...
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What Happens When You Surrender to Stillness: A Story
It was the best birthday present I could have given myself: an hour to just be. There I was in restorative yoga, lying on my purple mat, posed to surrender to stillness. In case you haven’t tried it, restorative yoga is a sublime form of deep rest that releases tension on every level. I love my local studio’s class, but I don’t go much. The poses are deceptively simple, so often I convince myself I could do them at home. But of course I am a recovering perfectionist and workaholic, so you can imagine the result of that rationalization. …
Want To Feel Less Anxious? Reconnect with Your Inner Child
Dear friend, it’s hard to admit that anxiety is a struggle for you, isn’t it? Your experience of life has been tense and fraught for so long that it seems normal. You want to feel less anxious, but it seems like an impossible dream. I get it, I really do. I started twirling my hair compulsively when I was in kindergarten. At school there were so many things to learn, so many people to please. When all of that felt hard to handle, I’d wrap strands of my brown hair around my fingers. I’d twirl my hair up tight and...
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Can’t Stop Striving? Your Free Perfectionist Recovery Toolkit Is Here!
I knew I was a perfectionist the day I got into a car crash on the way to high school. The accident totaled our family’s pretty blue Chrysler Concorde, and I wasn’t in great shape either. Thankfully I didn’t sustain significant physical injuries, but I was hyperventilating, trembling, and generally traumatized. Still, my tears were barely dry when I insisted on going straight to school. Why? Well, I thought that since I’d already screwed up by getting into the accident and missing two classes, taking a day off was out of the question. Though I would never have asked a...
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Exhausted from Being The Good Girl? Read This.
“I’ve always been the good girl. I try so hard to do everything right and not screw up. Caroline, do you know how exhausting that is? I think you do; that’s why I’m writing to you. I’m a grand perfectionist; I’m never worthy enough. I am super hard on myself, with very high expectations. I feel guilty about so much of what I do and say. All my life I’ve been good at offering help to others, but I don’t want to ask for or accept help myself. If I am able to do it on my own, then I...
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One Sentence To Set You Free from Fear
Have you ever had your world turned upside down by a single sentence? Have you ever felt someone else’s words unlock a caged place within your heart and set you free from fear? If so, then this story is for you. It begins with me spending a month in a residential rehab called The Clearing. I am here for work – I’m a copywriter on The Clearing’s team, writing ebooks and essays – but I am also here for my own healing. (They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said yes.) On this particular day in workshop,...
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