You Don’t Owe Anyone An Interaction: The TEDx Talk
Here’s one way I could tell this story. A few months ago, I was accepted to TEDxBirmingham’s All Star Salon. I worked hard and delivered my 5-minute talk, You Don’t Owe Anyone An Interaction, on September 13, 2016. In the talk, I addressed concerns over my viral blog post of the same name. I discussed how, in this age of hyper-connectivity, we can still give to others without getting burnt out. Today, I’m thrilled to share the video with you! That’s one version of the truth. But there’s another version that I want to entrust to you. There are a...
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Boundaries are a Girl’s Best Friend
If your energy is dragging and you need a boost, here’s my favorite trick: Set some boundaries on your time and attention. Step away from something that doesn’t feel right for you and put your focus elsewhere. This can be terrifying in theory, but when you actually do it? What a rush! This practice has the power to increase your energy like you wouldn’t believe. …
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Feeling Judged and Controlled? Question Your Inner Cruise Director
When Jonathan and I went on a cruise to Bermuda with my family several years ago, the piped-in, controlled voice of Cruise Director Carlos drove me crazy. Now, this was a lovely cruise. It was a privilege to relax and have my towels folded into animal shapes every night. However, the oft-repeated, overly-enthusiastic announcements just did not work for me. (I’m an introvert who jumps like a startled deer at the sound of a ring tone.) Several times a day, Cruise Director Carlos would blast over the loudspeakers, reading the rundown of social events with forced good cheer. After a...
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What If Your Real Self is Really Mad? (Plus a Giveaway!)
You’ve heard the platitudes … Honesty is the best policy. Tell the truth and shame the devil. An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. They make it sound simple, don’t they? As if telling the truth was so straightforward. But for those of us who are accustomed to covering up, getting real is … complicated. When you start speaking up after years of silence, you’ll discover the land mines in your psyche. You probably won’t even know they’re there until you step on one. The anger and sadness that you stuffed down years ago will rise to...
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How To Set Limits Like Liz Gilbert
Dear Liz Gilbert, When someone changes your life, it seems right to say thank you, doesn’t it? I hope so. But right or wrong, I’m a writer, and you of all people know what that means. It means that I can’t help telling the stories that want to be told. So here’s what happened when a group of friends and I showed up for your Big Magic event in Nashville. Not that this will narrow it down, but we were the group that was so excited to see you, clapping and whooping as you took the stage with Ann Patchett....
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10 Dead Giveaway Signs You’re People-Pleasing
Truth: I’ve had a draft of this people-pleasing post saved on my computer for months now. Why? Because it’s something that I scribbled down for fun one day. Since it’s a playful list post, a judgmental voice told me that I shouldn’t publish it. It wasn’t serious writing, so it wasn’t good enough. But then, light-bulb moment: maybe you don’t need serious writing from me all the time. As Glennon wrote on Momastery, “I convinced myself that everything I wrote needed to be shiny and shareable and big and amazing. So I started writing essays instead of love letters. Meh....
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Stop Believing Shame’s Lies (and a Giveaway to Help!)
Let’s face it, shame is sneaky. You want to stop believing shame, but it engulfs you like one of J.K. Rowling’s Dementors, those terrifying wraiths that drain happiness. Soon you’re locked in what author and researcher Brené Brown calls a shame spiral. …
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What to Do When You Feel Not Good Enough
Don’t you love how every epic saga starts with the main character going through their usual routine for the millionth time? Cinderella sweeps the hearth and endures the same familial abuse. Katniss goes to the Reaping and faces the same brutal injustice. Lyra prowls Oxford and hides from the same protective grownups. (If you haven’t read the His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman, please cancel your plans and remedy this oversight immediately.) And then something bizarre happens. A fairy godmother shows up, a familiar name is called, someone slips poison into a glass. In a moment, the journey begins....
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Get Past Perfect and Rise Up Real.
Did you know that certain Native American artisans weave small, purposeful mistakes into their blankets? These master craftspeople include intentional slip-ups in their best work. But why? Because they believe that the "mistake" is the very space that allows Spirit to move in and out of the fabric. Take a moment and let that sink in. Then ask yourself ... What if the mistakes you wish you hadn't made could be openings for Spirit in your life? If that question freaks you out a little, I understand. I'm Caroline Garnet McGraw, author of You Don't Owe Anyone: Free Yourself from...
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It is OK to Choose the Heart of Gold Instead.
Tis the season for a slew of blog posts about the importance of slowing down and savoring. It’s that time of year when writers feel compelled to publish essays on what really matters. Don’t get me wrong; I love these posts. I’ll link to my current favorites throughout this essay. But it’s easy to read beautiful, elegant sentences and then revert to my usual habits. So this Advent, I’ve clarified what I don’t want: I don’t want to lose sight of beauty. I don’t want to be a moving target, to look up after New Year’s and wonder, incredulously, Where...
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