Is Your Fantasy Self Wearing You Down? (Guest Post at Miss Minimalist)
You know what’s really tiring, what drains the life out of so many of us each day? The belief that we should be someone we’re not … a fantasy self, if you will. Our fantasy self is the one who will read all of the books in our backlog and cook all of the fancy magazine-style meals. …
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True Recovering Perfectionist? Then Press Play!
“We fear losing other people’s approval. We’re so scared of that, that’s so terrifying to us! But what actually hurts a lot more is when we completely reject ourselves.” This is a quote from my recent appearance on Claire Barton’s podcast, in an episode titled True Recovering Perfectionist. …
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Put On Your Own Mask First (Yes, You Really Can)
“Nice try,” the counselor said with a kind smile. “But there’s one thing … ” He bent his head to write on my paper, and I frowned. I’d labored over the words of the affirmation, trying hard to get them exactly right. It was one of my first workshops at The Clearing, the residential rehab where I spent a month learning how to heal the underlying core issues that drive substance abuse. (Though I didn’t use drugs, my work as a digital copywriter and some unexpected struggles opened a door for me to participate in the program.) Our participant group...
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For You, When You’re Facing Internal Conflict
Have you ever felt yourself deadlocked in internal conflict, bouncing back and forth between the comfort of staying put and the lure of letting go? Ever struggled to choose because part of you wanted something new, while another part of you needed to keep everything the same? I have. Once upon a time, I worked as a nonprofit program director in DC. It was a stable, undeniably meaningful job, one that connected me to a caring community and supported my deepest values. Those things were true, but there were other truths, too. There were the tears that prickled behind my...
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For the Ones Who Hide Away When They’re Struggling
“Hi friend, how are you doing today? Thinking of you and sending love your way.” I press send on the text, then click my phone screen off. I know better than to expect an immediate response from friends who hide away when they’re struggling. My friend deals with depression and anxiety, and I know that this is a challenging time for her. I also know that when things get tough she tends to go dark. Still I send the message and the love anyway. I pray that it can help her to defy the voices that tell her that she’s...
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Set Boundaries and Declare Dominion: You Need to Read with Anna Kunnecke (Plus a Book Giveaway!)
Let’s start our conversation about how to set boundaries and declare dominion in the most logical place: with the dream I had the other night about owning a living, breathing miniature elephant. (We’re going somewhere with this, I promise.) I’d had the tiny elephant for a few days, and I’d thought that I was taking pretty good care of it. But then I placed a container of water down on the floor where the elephant lived, and the little guy went crazy. Within seconds it was splashing and guzzling water, equal parts desperate with thirst and wild with joy. That...
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When You Want to Apologize for Existing
“I say ‘I’m sorry’ a LOT, usually when it’s not necessary. I apologize for existing.” “I’m so tired of fighting myself … For the last 17 years I spend my days in service to precious elders and give all that I can, yet inside me I feel like I am never, ever enough. The perfectionist in me doesn’t seem to be silenced.” “I’m so very, very, very tired Caroline! …. I’m at war with myself and know deep down I don’t have to be.”* …
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What Happens When You Surrender to Stillness: A Story
It was the best birthday present I could have given myself: an hour to just be. There I was in restorative yoga, lying on my purple mat, posed to surrender to stillness. In case you haven’t tried it, restorative yoga is a sublime form of deep rest that releases tension on every level. I love my local studio’s class, but I don’t go much. The poses are deceptively simple, so often I convince myself I could do them at home. But of course I am a recovering perfectionist and workaholic, so you can imagine the result of that rationalization. …
The Truth About Time Management: You Need to Read with Laura Vanderkam (Plus a Book Giveaway!)
All of us have the same 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week. But why do some of us feel overwhelmed and overburdened, while others feel focused and relaxed? What’s an empowering, realistic way for recovering perfectionists to approach time management? In this edition of our ongoing You Need to Read Video Series, I address these questions and more with writer, author, and speaker Laura Vanderkam. Laura is the author of several time management and productivity books, including I Know How She Does It (one lucky commenter will win a copy!), What the Most Successful People Do...
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Want To Feel Less Anxious? Reconnect with Your Inner Child
Dear friend, it’s hard to admit that anxiety is a struggle for you, isn’t it? Your experience of life has been tense and fraught for so long that it seems normal. You want to feel less anxious, but it seems like an impossible dream. I get it, I really do. I started twirling my hair compulsively when I was in kindergarten. At school there were so many things to learn, so many people to please. When all of that felt hard to handle, I’d wrap strands of my brown hair around my fingers. I’d twirl my hair up tight and...
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