“We fear losing other people’s approval. We’re so scared of that, that’s so terrifying to us! But what actually hurts a lot more is when we completely reject ourselves.” This is a quote from my recent appearance on Claire Barton’s podcast, in an episode titled True Recovering Perfectionist.
One minute I had a good life. I was happy, and my family was happy too. The next minute, we received some terrible and unexpected news.
Without going into detail, I can say that it has been devastating … a slow-motion train wreck with no end in sight.
Surviving the present takes everything I have. I was in shock for a while. In a way I still am, but I’m getting through the days at least.
Even though I still have a lot to be thankful for – a steady job, a safe place to live – it feels as though I’ve lost everything. There’s so much grief and anger and fear.
It’s hard to do simple things, like shower. Even breathing feels hard sometimes.
I feel bad and judge myself for not living up to my potential, for not being stronger … but the thing is, I am doing the best I can. It’s just that my best has become so humble.
I’m not sure that I have a question, exactly. I just wanted to write and ask what you would say to someone who is going through the hardest time of her life.
Don’t you love how every epic saga starts with the main character going through their usual routine for the millionth time?
Cinderella sweeps the hearth and endures the same familial abuse.
Katniss goes to the Reaping and faces the same brutal injustice.
Lyra prowls Oxford and hides from the same protective grownups. (If you haven’t read the His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman, please cancel your plans and remedy this oversight immediately.)
And then something bizarre happens. A fairy godmother shows up, a familiar name is called, someone slips poison into a glass. In a moment, the journey begins.