The Summer I Ran Away (and What Brought Me Home)
Hilton Head, 2012. Photo Credit: Donna Fischer Once upon a time, I ran away from home. I ran in a very structured, organized, responsible sort of way, which is to say, I disguised the escape. *** When my husband and I visited family last month, we spent time with my parents, brother, grandparents, and an aunt and uncle too. I'm blessed with a wonderful extended family, and I feel particularly close to this aunt and uncle. Why? Because I lived with them for a summer seven years ago. When people asked me why I was staying with my...
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This is Real Love: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Sometimes, your choice to care comes back to bite you. Literally. Sometimes, the choice to welcome a sweet, spunky little kitten into your home -- a choice you made with gladness -- can get you into trouble. Or to put another way: If you're ever in need of a punishment to inflict upon your worst (hypothetical) enemies, here's an idea: Infest their home with fleas. Do this while they're on vacation, so that when they return, travel-weary from, say, 10 hours of driving, they'll be greeted by legions of leaping, ravenous bugs that weren't there when they left. As you've...
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The Caregiver’s Paradox, Or, Treasures of the Incomplete
**Note: A Wish Come Clear will return with new posts on Monday, Sept. 17th!** We are living in an unfinished space here in Alabama, and that comes with challenges. We entered a season of renovation when we arrived in July, and we've accomplished a great deal in just a few weeks. (And by 'we', I mean my husband, who has done the lion's share of the work.) We tore out the entire kitchen, and we're finishing a new one now. Extensive plumbing and electrical work has been required. Any cooking beyond the toaster-oven variety has been impossible, which means we've...
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I Wanted To Blend In, But Special Needs Mean Standing Out
She leaned toward me as she said, "I'd always wanted to blend. You know? I never wanted to stand out. And when I had my son, I knew that I would have to lay that down, and it was hard." Photo Credit: Brian Taylor Photography My new friend Kristy was sharing her experience as a mom to a child with special needs, speaking about her challenges in a straightforward, matter-of-fact way. It takes courage to speak one's truth to a (relative) stranger, and I admired her for it. I leaned in, listening. "I know just what you mean,"...
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Trying to Learn, Seeking to Love? Start Small. Always.
A mosquito lands on my leg, and I swat it away. I'm in our front yard, pulling weeds with my husband, Jonathan, and trying to understand my own confusion. It's the perfect time of day to be outside, just before the sun sets in our small town in Alabama. As I pull out the roots, I'm thinking about the conversation I just had with my mom and my brother Willie. I'm thinking about how, for all the knowledge we as humans have gained, there are still so many things we don't know. For example, we don't know precisely why one...
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Get Outta Here, Guilt: Staying Close While Saying Goodbye
Here's my theory: moving is like throwing a stone over the lake of your life -- eventually, the ripples reach to every part of the water. I arrived at this idea as I talked with my mom this week. In the course of conversation, she said, "Your brother keeps forgetting to say "Alabama" instead of, "Washington, DC" when he prays." Every night at supper, Willie prays: "Thank you God for heaven and for prayers, and for food, and for my sister Caroline and Jonathan in Washington, DC ... " Remembering this, I felt a sinking sense of guilt; not only...
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For You, When You Can’t See the Silver Lining: A Tale of Serenades, Special Needs, and the Best Surprise of All
Of all the surprises that my birthday held, the one I least expected was a stranger's serenade. Naturally, this requires an explanation. The week before my birthday, I'd dropped off my well-loved boots at a local shoe-repair shop to be re-soled. These boots have been my go-to footwear for two and a half years, ever since I acquired them during a freezing-cold vacation for which I was ill-prepared. (19 degrees in Alabama? When does that happen?) So, when the soles of the boots opened into holes, I determined that my friend Roberto would be the one to rescue them. Roberto...
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100 Posts on Disability, Caregiving, and Courage (and Why We Fear Public Speaking More than Death)
I stare down at the small pile before me: an outline of my talk (8 pages long), 2 books to read from, and 1 cough drop, just in case things get desperate. This is it, I think. There's no going back now. I'm standing in front of a small audience at St. Francis of Assisi church, about to give a talk entitled, "Not A Burden, but a Privilege: Ministry Alongside People with Special Needs." And boy oh boy, am I nervous. I try not to think about the camera filming me, or the raw ache in my throat that had...
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My Greatest Teacher in the Art of Acceptance: My Brother with Autism
This is the 99th published post here at A Wish Come Clear. With the 100th post around the corner, I'm thinking about another milestone that's coming up soon: my younger brother Willie's 25th birthday. (Willie has autism, as well as myriad creative gifts; he came up with the name 'A Wish Come Clear'.) Willie has been talking about his 25th birthday since, well, the day after his 24th. At regular intervals, he announces, "On May 10, 2012, Willie will be 25 years old!" And then, of course, we gently prompt, "I will be 25", and he says it right back,...
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Hoping Against Hope, Lighting It Up Blue: World Autism Awareness Day
This past week, I experienced a new kind of homecoming. My family had the joy of being together, but we also had the sorrow of my brother Willie's outbursts. For the first time in a long time, he had multiple instances of out-of-control aggression in the span of a week. As such, World Autism Awareness Day is tinged with pain for me. It's the grief of watching my parents incur injuries as they try to protect their son from self-harm. It's the powerlessness of wanting to help and not knowing how. Most of all, it's the sound of Willie's weeping...
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