For You, When You’re Facing Internal Conflict

Have you ever felt yourself deadlocked in internal conflict, bouncing back and forth between the comfort of staying put and the lure of letting go?

Ever struggled to choose because part of you wanted something new, while another part of you needed to keep everything the same?

I have. Once upon a time, I worked as a nonprofit program director in DC. It was a stable, undeniably meaningful job, one that connected me to a caring community and supported my deepest values.

Those things were true, but there were other truths, too.

There were the tears that prickled behind my eyes on my morning commute. There was the relentless thrum of exhaustion, the drumbeat of my jam-packed days.

And there was the whisper of my true self, the one who wanted so badly to be a writer.

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When You Want to Apologize for Existing

“I say ‘I’m sorry’ a LOT, usually when it’s not necessary. I apologize for existing.”

“I’m so tired of fighting myself … For the last 17 years I spend my days in service to precious elders and give all that I can, yet inside me I feel like I am never, ever enough. The perfectionist in me doesn’t seem to be silenced.”

“I’m so very, very, very tired Caroline! …. I’m at war with myself and know deep down I don’t have to be.”*

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What Happens When You Surrender to Stillness: A Story

It was the best birthday present I could have given myself: an hour to just be. There I was in restorative yoga, lying on my purple mat, posed to surrender to stillness.

In case you haven’t tried it, restorative yoga is a sublime form of deep rest that releases tension on every level.

I love my local studio’s class, but I don’t go much. The poses are deceptively simple, so often I convince myself I could do them at home.

But of course I am a recovering perfectionist and workaholic, so you can imagine the result of that rationalization.

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