Tired of Being Tired? This One’s For You.
Once upon a time, there was a girl who didn’t know how to take care of herself. All she knew was that she was tired of being tired. When this girl felt physically ill, she tried to cancel her dinner plans … but instead she let a friend override her protests. She showed up at a restaurant burning with fever and flu, then staggered home alone. When this girl went out and an older, married guy made a pass at her, she tried to move away … but instead she let false guilt freeze her. She just didn’t want him...
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You Don’t Owe Anyone An Interaction: The TEDx Talk
Here’s one way I could tell this story. A few months ago, I was accepted to TEDxBirmingham’s All Star Salon. I worked hard and delivered my 5-minute talk, You Don’t Owe Anyone An Interaction, on September 13, 2016. In the talk, I addressed concerns over my viral blog post of the same name. I discussed how, in this age of hyper-connectivity, we can still give to others without getting burnt out. Today, I’m thrilled to share the video with you! That’s one version of the truth. But there’s another version that I want to entrust to you. There are a...
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What To Do When A Blizzard Hits Your Life
Dear Caroline*, One minute I had a good life. I was happy, and my family was happy too. The next minute, we received some terrible and unexpected news. Without going into detail, I can say that it has been devastating … a slow-motion train wreck with no end in sight. Surviving the present takes everything I have. I was in shock for a while. In a way I still am, but I’m getting through the days at least. Even though I still have a lot to be thankful for – a steady job, a safe place to live – it...
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Want a Way Out of the Darkness? Start by Telling the Truth
Dear friend, You never know when truth is going to find you. Truth sets you free, and that’s the best news there is. But you need to do your part; you must open your eyes. You need to look around your small cell and see Truth next to you, ever patient, holding the keys. Truth is not outside; it’s there in the cell with you, close as your own heart. The Eagles had it right: So oftentimes it happens / that we live our lives in chains / And we never even know we have the keys. Sweetheart, I just...
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When Hope Seems Lost, Remember This
When my brother Willie was diagnosed with autism, he was three years old and I was five. Neither of us had been to church yet, so I didn’t have much of a God concept. But somehow, I’d already arrived at a very clear idea of heaven. I used to lie awake at night and think about it, so eager for it to be real. I believed that heaven would be just this: a place where I could talk freely with my brother. It would be a place without the limits of autism on his part or lack of knowledge on...
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What If Your Real Self is Really Mad? (Plus a Giveaway!)
You’ve heard the platitudes … Honesty is the best policy. Tell the truth and shame the devil. An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. They make it sound simple, don’t they? As if telling the truth was so straightforward. But for those of us who are accustomed to covering up, getting real is … complicated. When you start speaking up after years of silence, you’ll discover the land mines in your psyche. You probably won’t even know they’re there until you step on one. The anger and sadness that you stuffed down years ago will rise to...
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What If You Refused to Stop Walking Homeward?
Let’s just be blunt: the last week has been hard. On behalf of us all, I’d like a cosmic refund. I’d like a do-over, our money back, and some free dessert for the table, please. Here in the McGraw house, multiple projects stalled, and I felt adrift and unsure. Then the feral cats chose our yard as the new kitty hot spot, leading to a flea infestation. Every time I stepped outside I received new bites, and I’m allergic to them. (Thank God for antihistamines.) Then I received some disappointing personal news. And after that I heard about the Oregon...
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You Don’t Owe Anyone An Interaction
Have you ever beat yourself up over not responding to every message you received in a day? Me too. I know how it goes. On one hand, you’re tired and overwhelmed. But on the other hand, there are emails! Texts! Calls! All demanding a response! If we check in with ourselves, we can sense which messages require our attention. However, we have trouble heeding that inner knowing because it conflicts with what we’ve been taught … If someone writes, we must write back. If someone starts talking, we must converse. If someone moves in for a hug, we must embrace....
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Do You Know What Keeps You From Thriving?
Have you ever had a friend make you a generous offer that you couldn’t accept … even though you wanted to? Have you ever stopped to realize that this is what keeps you from thriving? Well, I have. This past week, I’ve been dealing with some health issues, and when my friend Laura found out, she offered to bring me chicken soup. My first thought was that that sounded like exactly what I needed. My next thought, however, was that I shouldn’t accept. …
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The One Song that Changes Everything
Early in my life, I noticed a pattern. Whenever I’d meet older adults, those in my parents’ demographic, our interactions would follow a predictable course. We’d exchange names, and then I’d look down, both because I was shy and because I knew what was coming next. They would start singing. …
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