The one thing you need to stop doing this holiday
Before I became a parent, I didn't understand that there are two types of children's books. There are children's books written for actual children, and there are children's books written for parents. When my first child was small and the pandemic closed our local library, I panic-bought kids' books online: I Love You More and More, I Give You The World, etc. Soon, I learned that such declarations of devotion are BORING to babies. Given a choice between I Love You, Little Pookie and The Fat Cat Sat on the Mat, the latter wins every time. (Playing with Paw Patrol...
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Important: Doing nothing wrong?!
The very first challenge in my book, You Don't Owe Anyone, is to do nothing for 15 minutes. To stop all effort and simply be still. It's hard, yes, but it's also the cure for much of what ails us. Doing nothing is a powerful antidote for the perfectionist poison we've been swallowing since childhood. (Plus, as Martha Beck has taught me, doing nothing is a profound act of resistance in a culture that expects us to live as machines, not human animals.) So nowadays when people decide to work with me in coaching, they know that I'm going to...
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For a moment there I wanted a different life
On new year's eve I took our two and a half year old to the park. She needed to run off some energy, and she also needed time for her mama to focus on her while the baby stayed home with dad. So there we were, me and my toddler, climbing on the jungle gym as night fell. The park where we played was across the street from an event space, where people in fancy clothes were arriving for a new year's eve party. And I will admit that for a moment I wanted a different life. Even after the...
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You do not have to build the puppy house at bedtime.
“Build a puppy house,” my toddler says to me, and I hesitate. It’s almost her bedtime, and I sense that this will end in tears. “Build a puppy house!” she cries again. She clutches her stuffed puppy – the one I picked out last Christmas – and gives me her best Bambi eyes. I prompt her to say “please,” but we both know: I’m giving in. Much of my time and attention has been redirected to her new baby sister, and I feel guilty about this. And so we sit in the midst of our cardboard “bricks” on the rug....
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I just wanted you to know
Thank you so much for your comments and congratulations on the big news I shared in my last missive! I was – and am – touched. I’m about to start maternity leave, so I’m scheduling emails to go out to you about every 2 weeks this summer. I felt the nudge to send this one today, just in case there is someone reading this who is going through something really hard that does not seem to make any sense at all. If that’s you – honey, I see you. I salute you. And I want you to know that you’re...
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Do you always look like you’re fine, even if you’re not?
The thing I try hard to prevent happened again. Someone asked me, “Do you ever have a bad day? You’re so upbeat and positive as a coach. I just wonder … do you ever get really down?” “Yes, of course!” I said. If you’ve read my new book You Don’t Owe Anyone, then you know that anxiety and depression and I go way back. True, I’m proud of how I show up for my readers and coaching clients … and, I have dark days. It’s part of my job to be honest about that. Yet the person who asked follows...
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What Oprah Told Me
Have you ever had one of those “big-deal” dreams in which you just KNOW that God, the Universe, your higher self, is trying to get a message to you? For a little while last week, I was in a bad place. Partly it was past trauma coming out to play, and partly it was energetic debt. After the high of the You Don’t Owe Anyone book launch, I spent many hours recording the audio book. Recording the book was well worth it, and I cannot wait to share it with you! The audio book is available for preorder now and...
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The Four Magic Words (You’ll Never Guess)
If you’ve already read my new book, You Don’t Owe Anyone, then you know that I’ve dreamed of becoming a published author ever since I was six years old. When my first grade teacher helped our class make our own hardcover books, I was hooked. She told us that authors were people whose job it was to make books. I thought that nothing could be cooler than that. (My first book, age 6) (My new book, age 35) Fast-forward about 30 years. After decades of diligent reading, writing, and study, that original dream has come true today. You Don’t Owe...
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Getting It Done Won’t Make You Happier (But This Will)
I’m writing to you from snowy, icy Alabama; it sounds odd just to see those words together, doesn’t it? Our state is not equipped for these conditions. Our kids don’t have snow pants, and our towns don’t have plows. As such, my plans for the week have been upended, and I’ve spent most of the last three days with our 19 month old toddler, who thinks that putting my underwear on her head is a great use of time. (She also enjoys reading in the bathtub.) So, my perspective might be a little wacky. But go with me for a...
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You Don’t Owe Anyone (No, Really)
Calling all perfectionists, workaholics, people pleasers, and strivers who feel stuck in the try-hard cycle: Isn’t it time to free yourself from the weight of expectations and move forward without apology? You Don’t Owe Anyone will show you how. It's a book about how I realized that actually, I don't owe anybody anything. For years I thought I did. I was world class at being the good girl, the people pleaser, and the super Christian. (I was in a cult, and I was good at it!) The book is about how I got free from all of that, free from...
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