Riddle me this:
How do you proofread the book you’ve spent five years writing — a book about how you don’t owe anyone a fake, better-than-human version of yourself — without being a total perfectionist about it?
When you’ve put your heart and soul into the work, when it MATTERS, how do you not question every comma, every turn of phrase? How do you move forward with the process rather than getting paralyzed by perfectionism?
In case you haven’t already figured this out, this question has been dogging my heels this week, as I proofread my forthcoming book, You Don’t Owe Anyone. (Editorial note: Hey – it’s published now!)
But just as I was slipping into old shame spirals — Why can’t you just DO this already, you know the tricks, you have been a successful productivity coach for crying out loud! — I remembered one of my favorite questions to ask private coaching clients.
The question is:
How might you make this easier for yourself?
I love this question because my clients and I tend to be very good at making things harder on ourselves.
But often when we’re avoiding something, we’re avoiding it precisely because it feels too scary or difficult. And instead of making it easier, we shame ourselves for our avoidance.
We assume that we ourselves are the problem, not the task, and we berate ourselves for not being “better” than we are. (This is a reliable recipe for unhappiness. I have tested it extensively.)
But when you ask, How can you make this easier on yourself?, you change the game.
Kindred questions include:
How can you lower the stakes?
Who else can help you out with this?
How might you make this less scary — or even fun?
These questions get a whole different part of your brain on board. They stop the old shame spiral and engage your creativity instead.
When I myself asked that question this week — How can I make this easier on myself? — the answer came right away.
Before you write the missive, check the archive!
So I did. And it turns out that back in November 2019, I recorded a substantial 3 part video series that frankly I had completely forgotten. (But let that not be a testament to its value! I record a lot of videos.)
It’s called, How to Live True to Your Purpose (Even If You Are Great at Caretaking and Putting Your Own Needs on the Back Burner).
It’s like my past self knew us or something. Crazy, right?
So, consider these videos my gift to you. May they support you in making your life easier, so you can live on purpose.
Click here to watch Part 1 (run time 33:46): In today’s video, I’m sharing personal stories of times when I was in full-on martyr mode … and what helped me to shift out of breakdown and into breakthrough. It really IS possible to stop abandoning yourself, even if you have years of practice caretaking everyone else.
Click here to watch part 2 (run time 33:56): In today’s video, we’re going in-depth as to HOW. How do we really change our patterns? How do we stop the harmful self-sacrifice? What actually works?
Click here to watch part 3 (run time 19:32): In today’s video, we’re handling the classic objections as to why the change process won’t work for you! I don’t have the time … I don’t have the money … I need so-and-so’s permission …
To you and your freedom,