Stop Believing Shame’s Lies (and a Giveaway to Help!)

There’s a lie that you and I both believe, and it’s sneaky.

Here’s how it happens: first, you start struggling with feelings of shame. Maybe you made a comment that you wish that you hadn’t, or you looked in the mirror and realized that you’re out of shape.

Shame engulfs you like one of J.K. Rowling’s Dementors, those terrifying wraiths that drain happiness. Soon you’re locked in what author and researcher Brené Brown calls a “shame spiral”.

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Lessons from the (Emotional) Arctic Tundra

Have you ever struggled with a weighty sense of failure, a belief that no matter what you try, you’ll make the wrong move?

Have you ever found yourself feeling uncomfortable in a group, thinking: I don’t belong with all these happy people. I’d like to cheer up, but I’m just tense and miserable. Wish I could be like them … ?

If so, dear friend, you are not alone.

I could talk about our current survey all day — 58 of you have filled it out as of this writing! — but I’ll just share these findings:

53 out of 58 respondents (91%) report measuring their self-worth by their productivity and accomplishments (or lack thereof) on any given day.

And 46 out of 58 respondents (79%) report considering their mistakes or misunderstandings not as learning experiences, but as indications of their failure as people.

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On Accepting Yourself (Even if Self-Checkout Tries to Shame You)

So I was at a Walmart in Alabama, doing my best not to be a Jersey girl.

That is, I was trying not to rush and dash and move at twice the speed of other shoppers.

Every checkout line was long, so I headed to self-checkout. My pragmatic husband loves self-checkout: the efficiency! The autonomy! The lack of interaction! I would rather go to a cashier, though. I like cashiers. They’re people, which means they’re family.

Self-checkout and I … we just don’t get along. I try to be careful, but I always set off the threatening red light. Then I get flustered, because I feel like I’m … in trouble.

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