Terror, Triumph, and Taking the Stage: Lessons from TEDxBirminghamSalon

Friends, a funny thing happened when I started writing about what it was like to speak at TEDxBirmingham: I kept using plural pronouns. I kept writing, “We traveled, we spoke.” Don’t worry, there’s a simpler explanation than schizophrenia. I wrote in the plural because I felt your excitement and encouragement as a tangible presence at TEDxBirmingham, and I cannot thank you enough for that. Plus, you helped me choose my topic; I based the talk around this post. Your thoughtful responses galvanized me to write and speak about our shared struggle with perfectionism. I’ll post the text of the talk...
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On Learning to Be Free (Even if You Have a Lot to Do)

This “Learning to Be Free” post is inspired by Julie, the randomly-selected winner of our survey-based contest! Julie writes: “Funny you suggest a few lines about where I am in my life – I’m not sure! I am 60 yrs. old and have been a mother for 40 yrs. In addition to giving birth to 3 sons, my husband and I became foster parents. After 24 years and 39 placements, we finished off our family with 6 adopted kiddos, bringing our total to 9! My youngest child turned 12 today. He and his 13 yr. old brother are both on...
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Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

Have you ever had your life get flipped, turned upside down? No, really, my fellow recovering perfectionist – I want to know. This isn’t just an excuse to quote the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. I want to know if you’ve had every shred of confidence swept away. I want to know if you’ve stood in the clearing, terrified of the emptiness around you. And most of all, I want to know if you’ve come through stronger than you were before. …
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What Would You Do With No Arms and No Limits?

Have you ever seen someone whose courage just took your breath away? Well, I have; his name is Richie Parker. At the time of this writing, Richie is in his 30s, and he works as an engineer for Hendrick Motorsports. Before I share the rest of the story, though, I have to tell you that this is not the post I had planned for today. But my birthday is coming up; this week, I’ll be 29. And people keep asking if I’m worried about nearing the big 3-0. Part of me understands the anxiety. But another part of me thinks...
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Spend It Offering Light: Week 1

Today is the day: our new series, “Spend It Offering Light” (#OfferLight) starts now, with essays from Brooke Adams Law and Abby Norman! This recent post inspired the idea, and the stories I’ve received have been breathtaking. “Spend It Offering Light” features real people turning their fears into something that helps others, into light. …
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When is it OK to Put Aside Productivity and Go Hands Free?

Once upon a December afternoon, I decided to bake cookies for a party. I could have skipped it; in fact, I nearly talked myself out of it. Baking is not the most efficient use of my time. Nevertheless, I put aside productivity because it felt like Christmas, like celebration. Choosing Christmas doesn’t come naturally to me. You see, the church I grew up in didn’t believe in celebrating Christmas, supposedly because it was a pagan holiday and a consumerist frenzy. Looking back, though, I wonder if perhaps the church leaders weren’t really afraid of materialism or paganism. I wonder if...
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We Don’t Have to Waste Away

So I've been thinking about this one episode of Oprah's Life Class. Now, I've only ever seen this one episode, but it's a really good one, because Martha Beck is on. The topic? “The Truth Will Set You Free.” My favorite part (at the 25-minute mark) features a lovely woman named Heather. Heather's terrified to talk with her mom about a taboo topic, namely, the truth about Heather's father. Heather's afraid that doing so will jeopardize their relationship. Martha asks, “So you say you have a relationship with your mother?” Heather, confused: “Yes, we talk on the phone all the...
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On Faith, Fears, and Finding Treasure (Break Out the Shovels)

Dear friends, We're back! I missed you so much last week (when my husband and I traveled to visit family and celebrated our fourth anniversary) that I just had to make it up to you this week. As such, I have not one, but two guest posts to share with you today. The first guest post is at Elizabeth Esther's blog. Esther writes courageously about recovery from fundamentalist religion. I can't wait to read her forthcoming book, Girl at the End of the World. I'm thrilled (and terrified) to share, "Faith is like Walking into the Deluge...". The next guest post...
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Have You Been Imagining Those Prison Bars? (Or, Don’t Re-Enroll In High School)

I had this dream one night. In the dream, I was in my twenties. I was living with my parents in New Jersey, in the house where I grew up. Since my career had apparently stalled, a faceless, intimidating authority figure strongly recommended that I re-enroll in high school, to 'get back to basics' or something like that. Good news: you've already graduated! The thought of re-enrolling filled me with dread, but I did it anyway. I didn't think I had a choice. For weeks, I struggled to re-learn my old routines, fumbling through locker combinations, math tests,...
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Trapped By A Problem? How Active Receptivity Can Set You Free

When you want to solve an intractable problem, you probably do what I do:  dwell, ruminate and obsess. Yet I've noticed that when I'm frantically seeking a solution to a difficulty, I rarely receive one. Yet this does not translate to:  "Since I don't know what to do about my [job search/medical condition/insane schedule], I'm going to do nothing." Giving up gets you nowhere. But if madly scrambling for a solution isn't helpful....and giving up won't do...what's left? There's a middle way between striving and passivity. It's called active receptivity. It means that you work toward a solution while opening...
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