When Hope Seems Lost, Remember This
When my brother Willie was diagnosed with autism, he was three years old and I was five. Neither of us had been to church yet, so I didn’t have much of a God concept. But somehow, I’d already arrived at a very clear idea of heaven. I used to lie awake at night and think about it, so eager for it to be real. I believed that heaven would be just this: a place where I could talk freely with my brother. It would be a place without the limits of autism on his part or lack of knowledge on...
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Stop Believing Shame’s Lies (and a Giveaway to Help!)
Let’s face it, shame is sneaky. You want to stop believing shame, but it engulfs you like one of J.K. Rowling’s Dementors, those terrifying wraiths that drain happiness. Soon you’re locked in what author and researcher Brené Brown calls a shame spiral. …
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You Don’t Owe Anyone An Interaction
Have you ever beat yourself up over not responding to every message you received in a day? Me too. I know how it goes. On one hand, you’re tired and overwhelmed. But on the other hand, there are emails! Texts! Calls! All demanding a response! If we check in with ourselves, we can sense which messages require our attention. However, we have trouble heeding that inner knowing because it conflicts with what we’ve been taught … If someone writes, we must write back. If someone starts talking, we must converse. If someone moves in for a hug, we must embrace....
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On Learning to Be Free (Even if You Have a Lot to Do)
This “Learning to Be Free” post is inspired by Julie, the randomly-selected winner of our survey-based contest! Julie writes: “Funny you suggest a few lines about where I am in my life – I’m not sure! I am 60 yrs. old and have been a mother for 40 yrs. In addition to giving birth to 3 sons, my husband and I became foster parents. After 24 years and 39 placements, we finished off our family with 6 adopted kiddos, bringing our total to 9! My youngest child turned 12 today. He and his 13 yr. old brother are both on...
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Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist
Have you ever had your life get flipped, turned upside down? No, really, my fellow recovering perfectionist – I want to know. This isn’t just an excuse to quote the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. I want to know if you’ve had every shred of confidence swept away. I want to know if you’ve stood in the clearing, terrified of the emptiness around you. And most of all, I want to know if you’ve come through stronger than you were before. …
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The Momastery Guest Post (Seriously, Bring Champagne)
This is a big day. My guest post, What We Have Left: A Letter, is live at Momastery. It's a break out the kazoos, call a babysitter, and uncork the champagne!!! kind of day. (Or it would be if I had kazoos, or children, or champagne on hand ... ) Momastery, created by Glennon Melton, "is where we practice living bigger, bolder, and truer on this earth. Where we remember what we already know: We can do hard things, love wins, and we belong to each other." How do Momastery readers ("Monkees") do this? Through sharing stories, telling truths, and...
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“Please Don’t Go Crazy If I Tell You The Truth.”
Have you ever heard the Snow Patrol song How to Be Dead? Snow Patrol, 2004 It's about an intense conversation (read: a fight) between two people, one of whom is on drugs. They're trying to work things out, but control issues and lies are getting in the way. The song's opening line is, “Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth.” This line haunts me, and I suspect it haunts all of us people-pleasers. And you know why, right? Because it's the plea of our hearts. It's what we would say if only we had the...
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Getting to Know You (& What You Didn’t Know About Me)
Dear readers, I'd like to get to know you better. I've been posting here for nearly three years now (!), and I love writing to you. So I'd like to say thank you, and hear more about you. Would you leave a comment on this post, or send me an email? Just something simple. Your name, how you came to be here, why you read A Wish Come Clear. If you want to go deeper: what's going on in your life? What weighs on your heart? What do you dream about? What do you wish you could talk about, but...
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Fellow Perfectionists, Come See Me
Recently, I received a message from the moderator of a Facebook group of which I am a member. It read: “Caroline McGraw, please inbox me...I need to ask you something.” There was a plummeting, zooming feeling in my stomach. I clicked away, thinking: This isn't the first time I've felt that the ax is about to fall. *** All at once, I was back in first grade. My teacher, Mrs. Sanosi, had just returned our assignments. I was a good student, accustomed to seeing “Excellent!” atop my worksheets. But this particular paper had See Me written in red ink. Dear...
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How to Betray Your True Self (And Then Make Amends)
This is a tale of treachery, but it doesn't start out that way. 'Betrayed' faces, 2011. Instead, it starts with a group of direct-care assistants hanging out in the kitchen of the L'Arche home where we lived and worked in 2008. I'd just finished a strenuous workweek, and I was exhausted. Why? I'd recently said yes to becoming a Home Life Coordinator. In addition to doing caregiving routines, I wrote schedules, mentored assistants, and oversaw home life. We had a number of crises that summer, so I served in the new position while training for it and simultaneously...
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