“Please Don’t Go Crazy If I Tell You The Truth.”
Have you ever heard the Snow Patrol song How to Be Dead? Snow Patrol, 2004 It's about an intense conversation (read: a fight) between two people, one of whom is on drugs. They're trying to work things out, but control issues and lies are getting in the way. The song's opening line is, “Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth.” This line haunts me, and I suspect it haunts all of us people-pleasers. And you know why, right? Because it's the plea of our hearts. It's what we would say if only we had the...
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In My Arms: A Guest Post by Gillian Marchenko
Happy Holiday, friends! Today, we're opening our doors to a guest. It's my pleasure to introduce Gillian Marchenko. (Her tagline: "The world is full of people who seem to have it all together ... Gillian speaks for the rest of us.") She's an author and national speaker who lives in Chicago with her husband Sergei and four daughters. Gillian writes about "stumbling faith, Down syndrome, adoption, depression, motherhood, and lots of grace." I shared a guest post on Gillian's blog earlier this year ("The Most Beautiful and Terrible of Promises, Lessons Learned from my Brother with Autism"), and I'm happy...
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Fellow Perfectionists, Come See Me
Recently, I received a message from the moderator of a Facebook group of which I am a member. It read: “Caroline McGraw, please inbox me...I need to ask you something.” There was a plummeting, zooming feeling in my stomach. I clicked away, thinking: This isn't the first time I've felt that the ax is about to fall. *** All at once, I was back in first grade. My teacher, Mrs. Sanosi, had just returned our assignments. I was a good student, accustomed to seeing “Excellent!” atop my worksheets. But this particular paper had See Me written in red ink. Dear...
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Baby, Have I Got News for You … Good News.
I'm having a hard time is a tough place to start. Walking a peaceful path. Photo Credit: Summer McCreless But alas, it was true for me a while back. I'd been trying to walk a path of love and trust, but my (metaphorical) feet kept slipping. Do you know the feeling? That feeling you get when you want to snap out of a critical mindset, but it's just really, really hard? The way you know better than to judge yourself and others, but you keep doing it anyway? It was like walking along an icy street in winter....
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It’s Time to Tell the Truth: Guest Post at The BridgeMaker
Hello & happy Friday! First, I have a new guest post up at The BridgeMaker! The BridgeMaker connects people who are looking to find faith, share inspiration and celebrate personal change. (Sound familiar?) Photo Credit: Ashley Baker Haselton As author Alex Blackwell writes, "On the brink of divorce several years ago, I needed to make a few changes within myself before my life could change. Knowing creating positive change was necessary, I started down the path of learning how to appreciate exactly what I have." Today’s post is here: It's Time to Tell the Truth (My Letter to...
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Who’s Right In Front Of You?
When I first saw her, she was striding across Connecticut Avenue. Not in a crosswalk, mind you ... in the middle of the road. She had bright blond hair and a dark tan, and she was walking across what DC residents know is a very, very busy street. At rush hour. With a pronounced limp. In fact, she seemed to be almost dragging her right leg. Cars honked their horns, stopping abruptly to avoid her. Still, she carried on. Busy DC street.Locals will recognize this as 14th St NW, not Connecticut Ave NW. Both are, of course, quite busy.Photo...
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Leave Me Alone … And Please Come Find Me
When I was in high school, I lied to my mother. Don't lie to mamma ... especially since you have the same smile. One night, when she asked me if I’d completed my homework, I told her I had. But I'd left one assignment unfinished, and it was due the next day. I didn’t want to miss my favorite TV show of the moment (Buffy or Felicity?), and I knew the rule: no TV until your homework is done. So I made a plan. I fibbed and felt bad about it (but not so bad that I didn't...
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A New Welcome and A Fresh Start
God bless the people who know you better than you know yourself. Friends til the end. (Fall 2007) The ones who challenge you to move forward, to go deeper, to be braver than you think you know how to be. My friend and former college roommate Rachel has been such a person for me. And something she said this past November has proved quite prescient. We were meeting one morning for coffee in Washington, DC. My husband Jonathan and I were on an epic road trip, and I’d planned too many dates with friends along the way. I...
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Reflecting Light: Wishes for World Autism Awareness Day
It was just another visit to the Home Depot in the weeks before World Autism Awareness Day. Since we're renovating our house, my husband visits the store on a near-daily basis. We were laughing about paint colors ("'Manhattan Mist'?! That's just ... toxic!") when I saw them. The blue light bulbs. I didn't have to read the signs. I've volunteered with Autism Speaks, and written for their blog as well. I knew what the bulbs were for: Light It Up Blue for Autism Awareness. When I saw that display, I had this sliding sensation in the pit of my stomach;...
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Renovations of the Home & Heart: A Tale of Transformation
Miguel*, one of my friends from L'Arche**, was in the ICU last week. Whenever something like this happens -- and despite the wonderful, highly specialized care he receives, it happens several times a year -- my heart aches. It always seems colossally, brutally unfair, these illnesses and hospitalizations. It reminds me of truths I'd rather not remember: that I am not in control, that my friends at L'Arche are growing older, that I cannot know how much more time they -- or any of us -- have left. There's a terrible powerlessness that comes with knowing: if we choose love,...
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