When I wrote to you about my recent dream – with the menacing intruders who broke in and took over my house for a party, then were so convivial that I nearly lost sight of the hostage situation – many of you said that that story resonated.
To quote one reader: “The party at your house is exactly how it feels in my life … Because you do start to feel that it’s not all that bad, and you can be a part of it, even though you didn’t want it! I still don’t know what to do with that…”
Of course, I empathize with this. And I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
What DO we do with that?
What do we do, when we feel as though our lives have been taken over – by expectations and demands, perhaps, or by the pervasive cult of productivity?
What do we do when there’s an element of exhaustion running through our days? How do we handle the frantic go-go-go, when all we want to do is just sit still and listen and discover what’s true?
The temptation is to focus on the “intruders”. If only they’d just leave us alone, or give us a day off! If only they weren’t here, we could feel free.
What I’ve realized is that the “intruders” aren’t the biggest problem.
To clarify: On one level, yes, of course they’re a problem! Of course it’s a problem when people come into our lives and expect use of our resources – our time, our energy – without regard to how it impacts us.
If that’s happened to you: It’s not your fault. It’s not your job to change “them.”
What is your job, though, is to take care of the one who is protesting within you, the one who doesn’t want her home overrun any longer.
This is a younger version of you; this is the part of you that hasn’t yet bought into the lies of “should” and “supposed to.” This is the part of you that knows exactly what she wants.
And your most important problem is that SHE is not safe. She’s hiding and hoping for help, but she’s essentially an orphan. There is no one to stand for her.
That, my friends … that is the real issue.
It’s not that there are intruders in your house.
It’s that there’s no loving adult who will set a boundary on that intrusion.
There’s no one there to say, simply and with authority, “Leave my house, now.”
Just like in my dream, most of the time the “intruders” are in our heads.
Tell me if this is familiar: When you think about doing what feels like freedom for you, you hear the old critical voices in your head, and they shut it down.
And then you wonder why you have such a hard time feeling peaceful and enjoying your life!
What’s getting in your way of reconnecting with yourself is the belief system that has been ingrained in your head.
It goes like this: Other people get to do and say basically whatever they want, and you need to find a way to go along with that, even if it feels terrible for you.
Other people (or projects, or obligations), get a free pass to drain the life out of you. The intruders get to come into your house and have a party, whether you like it or not!
And while you’re off trying to appease and make it all “work,” your innermost self is abandoned, orphaned, and alone.
But what if you were to become the loving adult that she needs right now?
What if you were to start being that child’s fierce protector and advocate?
What if you prioritized what she needs to feel loved and safe?
How much more peaceful and freeing would your life be, if you could really count on yourself for that?
This is exactly the work we’ll be doing one week from today, at the Authentic Alignment virtual retreat.
There, we’ll strengthen our confidence and belief in ourselves, our ability to set boundaries, and handle whatever comes our way.
Over the last year I have learned a lot about how to effectively deal with personalities and problems that “intrude” in our days – and it’s not about getting “them” to change! That’s hopeless, and that’s not our job.
Rather, it’s about stepping up as “head of house” in our lives, making decisions from that place of inner freedom.
If you’re ready for that, Authentic Alignment is your next step. The virtual retreat is this coming Monday, September 5th (Labor Day holiday in the US), from 12pm-3pm CDT.
This is a rare opportunity to work with me personally, to solve this problem of feeling like there’s no one there for you. (There is, and I’m here to help you to meet her.)
Ticket sales close this Friday, September 2nd at 5pm CDT.
Get your retreat ticket and bonus gifts right here, right now.