A Wish Come Clear

Choosing Love, Losing Fear, & Finding Home

Why I Go to Counseling: My Messy Beautiful

I’ve never shared this in a public forum before, but here goes: I go to counseling twice a month. The stigma of seeking support is lifting – in fact, April is Counseling Awareness month – but it still takes courage to admit it. Why? Because when you say you’re going to counseling, what you’re really saying is, “I am someone who needs a little help.” And that can be a very uncomfortable statement to make. Personally, I prefer to pretend that I have it all together, that I can handle this crazy thing called life just fine. But there are times in which I reach the limits of my own capacity. In such times, I’m blind to possibility; I need someone trustworthy to point out vistas I could never have seen on my own. I didn’t always recognize this, though. You see, back in the day, I liked the idea [...]

On Accepting Yourself (Even if Self-Checkout Tries to Shame You)

So I was at a Walmart in Alabama, doing my best not to be a Jersey girl. That is, I was trying not to rush and dash and move at twice the speed of other shoppers. Every checkout line was long, so I headed to self-checkout. My pragmatic husband loves self-checkout: the efficiency! The autonomy! The lack of interaction! I would rather go to a cashier, though. I like cashiers. They’re people, which means they’re family. Self-checkout and I … we just don’t get along. I try to be careful, but I always set off the threatening red light. Then I get flustered, because I feel like I’m … in trouble. In trouble is the kiss of death for me. Here’s my rap sheet: A-student, team captain, president, honors graduate, and rampant perfectionist. You’d think I’d be able to handle self-checkout. But no. The harder I try, the worse it [...]

Get Rid of Superwoman Syndrome Once and for All

When it comes to what happened the other day, I have choices. I can forget it, beat myself up, or learn from it. Usually I elect a combination of forgetfulness and self-flagellation, but now, I’m going to go with learning. Here’s what happened: I spent a day in a haze of stress, flitting from one administrative task to another. I didn’t prioritize creative writing. By the end I was sprawled on the couch, back aching from hours of sitting, eyes strained from staring at the computer. What I found especially frustrating was that I know better. When I feel a day spiraling out of control, I know to take pause and ask: what needs to happen? What can wait? What would bring joy into the picture? But I didn’t. We don’t quit doing harmful things until we’re ready. We don’t start doing kind things until we understand, on a bone-deep [...]