A Wish Come Clear

This is a place where we see and do things … differently.

This community of parents, friends, siblings, and caregivers of people with disabilities celebrates things that others overlook.

Why? Because we love someone with special needs (such as autism, Aspergers, or Down Syndrome),  and that loving has changed us.

We are not who we once were. We are ready for more. More attention to what’s important in our relationships. More rebellion against a society that isolates and ignores people who don’t act like everyone else. More acceptance of ourselves and others. We all have areas in which we need support, and yet we all have areas in which we are gifted. We all have something to offer.

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Most disability-focused websites fall into two categories. The first includes fact-based disability sites, such as non-profit, scientific, or advocacy organizations. The second features personal-journal sites, the ones that discuss how many cookies gluten-intolerant toddlers eat behind their parents’ backs.

This place is a ‘third way’ of sorts. A Wish Come Clear is about telling true stories of people with autism, Aspergers, and other developmental, physical, and intellectual disabilities with the purpose of helping you find meaning in your most challenging relationships.

Because let’s be honest:  loving someone with disabilities can be hard. At times the person you love can make you so mad that you are driven to smash a guitar to smithereens. (Or maybe that’s just me…) Conversely, loving someone with disabilities can transform you. Love for them allows you to appreciate the smallest details of their days. When they reach out to you, you feel as though you’ve witnessed a miracle.

Are you ready? If so…

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How To Dig For Treasure In People (Without Getting Buried Alive).

Caroline McGraw, Treasure Hunter

Hi, I’m Caroline, a would-be childhood paleontologist turned storyteller, digging for treasure in people with autism and intellectual disabilities, and empowering caregivers to do the same.

Why do I do what I do? Because of my relationship with my younger brother Willie, who has autism. He’s my only sibling, and he has changed my life in ways too numerous to count. (He’s also the one who came up with the name, ‘A Wish Come Clear’.)

Because of Willie’s influence in my life, I was led to join the L’Arche Greater Washington DC community in 2007. (L’Arche is an international faith-based non-profit organization where people with and without intellectual disabilities share life together and create relationships based in trust and mutuality.)

I spent five years at L’Arche DC, serving the community as a direct-care assistant, home life coordinator, program director, and consultant. And these four different roles prepared me to step into the role I’ve always wanted:  that of a full-time writer, sharing stories of people with special needs.

Stories like this one, for example:

Since my brother has autism, his thoughts are often a mystery to me. As such, I look for sudden windows into his mind and heart. I pay attention. I know better than to know what to expect, but I keep trying.

I remember a time one such ‘window’ opened:  during the long-ago era when Willie was obsessed with the film, ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.’ He had all seven stuffed dwarfs, and he loved to line them up in a row. He referred to himself as ‘Grumpy” or ‘Happy’ depending on his mood.

In hindsight, I realize that the film was probably an excellent way for him to learn about identifying emotion, since each dwarf is typecast and consistent in facial expression throughout the story.

One day, my parents asked him, “Willie, if you’re Happy [he was Happy that day], who is Mommy?” For reasons inexplicable, Willie replied, “Mommy is Bashful!” Now, Mommy is not bashful. However, Bashful is a very thoughtful, kind dwarf, so perhaps this was behind the choice.

My mom then asked, “And who is Daddy?” Willie said, “Daddy is Doc!” This choice seems a bit more logical. My father wears glasses, has a calm, direct way of expressing himself. He has a quirky sense of humor, and he’s a natural leader.

Finally, my mom asked, “And who is your sister, Caroline?” With no hesitation, Willie said, “Caroline is Snow White!”

So there you have it. To my brother, I’m a Disney princess. He may not be able to say things like, “Caroline, I look up to you,” or “Caroline, I’m glad you’re my sister,” but he can cast me in a starring role in the movie in his mind.

I may not be able to see all I’d like to see of my brother’s mind and heart.  But what I can see is astonishing. He’s creative, and hilarious, and generous with his casting. Maybe, just maybe, I can only see in part because to see fully would be too much to bear.

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